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Too Many Opinions!!

lizeateherbalife

The other day I got told I should “put some clothes on” (it was really hot, I’d walked 5 miles and I was wearing gym shorts and a crop gym top). Apparently “girls like me deserve to be attacked”. What an awful comment to hear! What seemingly made it worse was the deliverer was another woman (a little sisterhood would be good). Now, I choose to believe that she was in emotional pain because someone had said something equally horrible to her, or she had an awful experience for which she was victim blamed and this was not a deliberate comment designed to hurt but a repeating of her pain. The fact remains, however, that what I looked like was commented on by a stranger in the street with whom I was having no interaction. I was simply walking, listening to music, and minding my own business. Interestingly friends and family also have chosen to make unsolicited comments about the way I look throughout my life. I wonder if this resonates with you too?

It is a favourite family tale that when I was born, I looked like the “Michelin Tyre Man”. My cousin was frequently called “Fatty Patty” by the grownups (she still remembers this and feels pain about it today). I was often called “tin ribs” because I went through a very thin stage. As a teenager I developed boobs and hips quickly as did my cousin and we were both talked about at school because of it. As an adult, when I was 16 stone, I was told I was too fat. When I was 9 stone 11lb I was told I was too thin. Even when I was losing weight, I was given everyone's opinion of what I should eat, what I should weigh, how I should look, when I should stop. When I started lifting weight to resculpt my body and gain tone and definition I was told be “careful you don’t want to get too mannish”.

Those are some examples I know of, but it seems that everyone has an opinion about other people’s bodies, I include myself in that because I am not perfect in this, but the fact is that the only opinion that matters should be the person in that body!

Bodies are diverse. Just as everybody is different so too is every – body.

Some bodies carry excess fat, some carry no fat, some have big muscles some small, some have skin that is loose, some tight. The only thing that can be said is that each and every one in some way is different in their appearance and do you know what? THAT’S OK!

The problem is that society and the media sit with narrow beauty standards which, don’t reflect the diversity of the bodies we have, not to mention, these standards are often unachievable for the average person in the street and change with the turning of the tide so even if today you look like the current beauty standard, well tomorrow you won’t. These standards do not recognise the inherent value and worth of every individual, regardless of what they look like. It is important as well to understand that we are all on a journey with our own bodies. We all have unique experiences, and these determine how we see ourselves and often how we value ourselves and our bodies as well.

When I was at my largest, I wouldn’t look in the mirror other than to brush my hair. I hated going out and would remain shut in my room because I was so scared of being judged for my size. If I had a cake with my cuppa, I believed that all the thin people were staring at me thinking that I shouldn’t eat because I was too fat. The daft thing is they weren’t looking at me, and even if they were, I was just as bad because I was judging them right back!!! Basing my thoughts about what they were thinking on their size and shape.

The fact is that unsolicited comments or judgements about someone’s appearance can be hurtful, reinforce harmful stereotypes and contribute to body image issues.

Respecting the individual’s autonomy over their body and appearance means that we need to be mindful of how we communicate. We need to avoid making negative or judgemental remarks. People need to feel valued and accepted for who they are rather than how they conform to the latest societal beauty standard.

Whilst some people choose to lose weight, this is often more about them noting the negative impact their weight is having on their health and wellbeing. My journey began, not because of how I looked (I could combat dealing with that by not going out and about), but because I was out of breath when tying my shoes, was struggling with perimenopause symptoms which my doctor said was all about my weight, and my body wouldn’t do what I wanted and needed it to do because I had no energy and lots of pain in my joints from the excess weight I was carrying. For me the journey was all about health and wellbeing and as a bonus I now don’t mind looking in the mirror because I love my body. My body has done amazing things for me. It has allowed me to have 3 beautiful children and has carried them within it and fed them with milk it has produced, it allows me to move about the world and see the beauty and hear the sounds. My brain carries knowledge and amazing memories. My arms get to hold those I love close. Whilst everybody’s lists of what their bodies can do will be different, each and every one will do amazing things for which we can be grateful.

Whilst the world sits in judgement of us, we need to remember how amazing we are and then think about how amazing that person opposite you on the bus is as well. The fabulous human they may be, the value they have brought to the world just by being in it. And do you know what maybe those are the things we should then concentrate on, rather than the way they look.



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